"Am I Ruining My Own Wedding?"
In previous posts, I covered the topics of 'who's responsible for your good time' and 'is your wedding being hi-jacked?'. This month I wanted to combine the two and get a little more in depth into what happens when the bride and groom are responsible for the demise of their own wedding. This is going to be a long post, so I apologize in advance, but one worth reading!
As an example, we recently sat down with a couple who told us what they were looking for in a disc jockey, they seemed to be a good fit with our style and were very happy with how we described what it is we do and how we operate. They signed with us immediately. The first thing we tell all of our clients is that they must be comfortable with their entertainer and to trust their gut- even if it isn't us that they choose.)
Without going into extreme detail, they wanted a DJ with our style - no crazy games or antics, no stand-up comedy or foolishness, just straight entertainment and an emcee with sophistication and elegance. They wanted a fun atmosphere with all of the fun music - something we do extremely well.
Fast forward to a few months before their event... all of a sudden they no longer wanted the proven music that works to get people on the dance floor, they inquired about what 'games' we would play with the guests and went on to give us a request list that would be sure to ruin even the most fun and best planned wedding! What happened to that couple we met with last year? Who were these people and who have they been getting advice from?
Being professionals who will give our clients what they want, we explained that we don't normally go to that level of interaction at a wedding but we would be happy to work in whatever capacity they wanted as long as it didn't compromise my reputation, however...
We did have to warn them that what they were planning does not work at most weddings and the initial level of elegance and sophistication that they were after would be out the window. You simply cannot have 'gameshow host' entertainment and have it come off as sophisticated. Obviously they were reading some wedding magazines touting the benefits of the 'over-the-top DJ'or talking to someone who sold them on the idea that 'more DJ is a better DJ', which is simply not true. 'More DJ' is often times, too much DJ.
In any case, we were able to talk them down from that elevated expectation, 'movie-moment' wedding that they were picturing in their minds and explained to them that weddings have a life of their own once they start rolling and the best weddings are the ones where the crowd dictates what gets played and the direction and level of 'fun'.
So, let's go over the areas where a couple can throw a monkey-wrench into their wedding plans:
First, the number one motivation for micro-managing your wedding day is the false feeling that if every detail is nailed down and you can somehow control every minute of the event, you'll have the perfect wedding. WRONG! Life doesn't work that way and neither do weddings. If you go into your wedding planning with this game plan you will not only have a miserable time planning it, you will have a miserable day. That is not how wedding planning should be, so don't do this to yourself. There is a huge difference between an outline of events and minute by minute control.
Second, most brides go through this mind set of trying to make their day completely different from any wedding that ever took place on the face of this Earth. Sorry, can't be done. It's all been done before and we've seen it. All weddings are the same. Read it again - ALL WEDDINGS ARE THE SAME. Two people join hands, say some vows, exchange rings, say 'I do' and kiss, then some dinner and maybe dancing. Presto, a wedding!
Sounds completely indifferent of me doesn't it? Well don't panic, that's not how I feel about weddings - but you must realize how it feels to do hundreds upon hundreds of weddings, see the same mistakes being made by couples over and over again and not be able to save them from themselves. It's frustrating to say the least.
One of the most interesting things that happens at a wedding doesn't even happen at the wedding, it happens after the wedding as we are tearing down our gear and loading the truck. What is it? It's the conversations that take place between the wedding facility staff. We hear things said that would send the bride into orbit if she heard it - from how 'needy' the bride was to how 'tacky' the colors were - and everything in between. As a matter of fact, it's where we hear exactly what the facility thought about the event and sadly, many times they are right on the money. Keep in mind that wedding facilities usually do back-to-back weddings on Friday and Saturdays, 52 weeks a year. Do the math - that's 208 weddings a year. If you went to 208 weddings a year, how many would seem different from each other? Not many I'm afraid.
Third, and one of the best ways to ruin your reception, is the song list you give to your DJ. Again, in an effort to be different, brides take away a DJ's ammunition by refusing to let us play many of the all time favorite songs that people EXPECT TO HEAR at a wedding. There is an expectation on the part of your guests. They want to hear the Electric Slide, the YMCA, Old Time Rock n' Roll, etc, etc. It may seem 'hokey' to you, but they want to have fun. Isn't that why you invited them? Or do you expect them to love YOUR music? If they don't dance to 'Techno', who's fault is it? Yours. If you play Vivaldi all night because YOU love it and your guests leave early, who's fault is it? Yours, of course. I think you get the point.
Let me explain it the way I see it.
The reception isn't for you, it's for your guests. You've asked friends and family to travel, shell out hard-earned cash, give of their time, show their support and you repay them how? By making them have what YOU see as a good time? Sit through what YOU decide is good music? What about what they want? They want to DANCE! So let them dance - to what makes them dance! It couldn't be more simple. You hired a professional DJ, now let him do his job and find what the crowd wants to dance to. A packed dance floor is a successful wedding reception!
Now, I know that I'm going to have some DJs and wedding professionals who read this shaking their heads, or fists at me because it flies in the face of what they tell you to close the deal, but the truth hurts. What they should be telling you is how you can make the wedding day an 'individual' event without sacrificing the whole reception. Let's look at this:
The way I see it, the reception is for your guests, we've covered that. So where do you come in? Where does it get to be your day? In the details, that's where.
First of all, you have to realize that there will never be two people exactly like the two of you in the whole universe, there's a starting point right there. You have to focus on what makes you and your partner special, alone and to each other, and celebrate that. The best way to personalize your day is in your vows, in your attire, your ceremony music choice, the ceremony location, the readings, your color choices and the unique ideas that only you can come up with. Again, it's a tough job because much of it has all been done before and if you're having a traditional wedding in the style of your faith, your hands may be tied as to how far you can veer off course. Writing your vows or adding to them is the most personal addition you can make to your day. Remember, you should be focusing on your relationship first and foremost - that's what the day is really all about - a fact that many a bride gets off-track from. It doesn't get more individual than that. Once the reception starts, sorry, but minus the first dance and cake cutting, it's all about the guests.
Giving your entertainer a rigid and unbending song list or one that is excessively laden with off-beat or eclectic music, is a sure fire way to ruin the reception, it's that simple. Throw in silly games and one too many interruptions to dancing and you'll lose the crowd every time. Only you can decide in the end, we can only suggest. Oh, and one last piece of advise in this month's article - throw your bridal magazines in the trash. They're great for pictures of wedding gowns and ideas for china and silverware, but beyond that, they've ruined more weddings with their ridiculous, rehashed advise, than I can count - but that's shaping up to be next months topic!
Happy planning and enjoy the process.
As an example, we recently sat down with a couple who told us what they were looking for in a disc jockey, they seemed to be a good fit with our style and were very happy with how we described what it is we do and how we operate. They signed with us immediately. The first thing we tell all of our clients is that they must be comfortable with their entertainer and to trust their gut- even if it isn't us that they choose.)
Without going into extreme detail, they wanted a DJ with our style - no crazy games or antics, no stand-up comedy or foolishness, just straight entertainment and an emcee with sophistication and elegance. They wanted a fun atmosphere with all of the fun music - something we do extremely well.
Fast forward to a few months before their event... all of a sudden they no longer wanted the proven music that works to get people on the dance floor, they inquired about what 'games' we would play with the guests and went on to give us a request list that would be sure to ruin even the most fun and best planned wedding! What happened to that couple we met with last year? Who were these people and who have they been getting advice from?
Being professionals who will give our clients what they want, we explained that we don't normally go to that level of interaction at a wedding but we would be happy to work in whatever capacity they wanted as long as it didn't compromise my reputation, however...
We did have to warn them that what they were planning does not work at most weddings and the initial level of elegance and sophistication that they were after would be out the window. You simply cannot have 'gameshow host' entertainment and have it come off as sophisticated. Obviously they were reading some wedding magazines touting the benefits of the 'over-the-top DJ'or talking to someone who sold them on the idea that 'more DJ is a better DJ', which is simply not true. 'More DJ' is often times, too much DJ.
In any case, we were able to talk them down from that elevated expectation, 'movie-moment' wedding that they were picturing in their minds and explained to them that weddings have a life of their own once they start rolling and the best weddings are the ones where the crowd dictates what gets played and the direction and level of 'fun'.
So, let's go over the areas where a couple can throw a monkey-wrench into their wedding plans:
First, the number one motivation for micro-managing your wedding day is the false feeling that if every detail is nailed down and you can somehow control every minute of the event, you'll have the perfect wedding. WRONG! Life doesn't work that way and neither do weddings. If you go into your wedding planning with this game plan you will not only have a miserable time planning it, you will have a miserable day. That is not how wedding planning should be, so don't do this to yourself. There is a huge difference between an outline of events and minute by minute control.
Second, most brides go through this mind set of trying to make their day completely different from any wedding that ever took place on the face of this Earth. Sorry, can't be done. It's all been done before and we've seen it. All weddings are the same. Read it again - ALL WEDDINGS ARE THE SAME. Two people join hands, say some vows, exchange rings, say 'I do' and kiss, then some dinner and maybe dancing. Presto, a wedding!
Sounds completely indifferent of me doesn't it? Well don't panic, that's not how I feel about weddings - but you must realize how it feels to do hundreds upon hundreds of weddings, see the same mistakes being made by couples over and over again and not be able to save them from themselves. It's frustrating to say the least.
One of the most interesting things that happens at a wedding doesn't even happen at the wedding, it happens after the wedding as we are tearing down our gear and loading the truck. What is it? It's the conversations that take place between the wedding facility staff. We hear things said that would send the bride into orbit if she heard it - from how 'needy' the bride was to how 'tacky' the colors were - and everything in between. As a matter of fact, it's where we hear exactly what the facility thought about the event and sadly, many times they are right on the money. Keep in mind that wedding facilities usually do back-to-back weddings on Friday and Saturdays, 52 weeks a year. Do the math - that's 208 weddings a year. If you went to 208 weddings a year, how many would seem different from each other? Not many I'm afraid.
Third, and one of the best ways to ruin your reception, is the song list you give to your DJ. Again, in an effort to be different, brides take away a DJ's ammunition by refusing to let us play many of the all time favorite songs that people EXPECT TO HEAR at a wedding. There is an expectation on the part of your guests. They want to hear the Electric Slide, the YMCA, Old Time Rock n' Roll, etc, etc. It may seem 'hokey' to you, but they want to have fun. Isn't that why you invited them? Or do you expect them to love YOUR music? If they don't dance to 'Techno', who's fault is it? Yours. If you play Vivaldi all night because YOU love it and your guests leave early, who's fault is it? Yours, of course. I think you get the point.
Let me explain it the way I see it.
The reception isn't for you, it's for your guests. You've asked friends and family to travel, shell out hard-earned cash, give of their time, show their support and you repay them how? By making them have what YOU see as a good time? Sit through what YOU decide is good music? What about what they want? They want to DANCE! So let them dance - to what makes them dance! It couldn't be more simple. You hired a professional DJ, now let him do his job and find what the crowd wants to dance to. A packed dance floor is a successful wedding reception!
Now, I know that I'm going to have some DJs and wedding professionals who read this shaking their heads, or fists at me because it flies in the face of what they tell you to close the deal, but the truth hurts. What they should be telling you is how you can make the wedding day an 'individual' event without sacrificing the whole reception. Let's look at this:
The way I see it, the reception is for your guests, we've covered that. So where do you come in? Where does it get to be your day? In the details, that's where.
First of all, you have to realize that there will never be two people exactly like the two of you in the whole universe, there's a starting point right there. You have to focus on what makes you and your partner special, alone and to each other, and celebrate that. The best way to personalize your day is in your vows, in your attire, your ceremony music choice, the ceremony location, the readings, your color choices and the unique ideas that only you can come up with. Again, it's a tough job because much of it has all been done before and if you're having a traditional wedding in the style of your faith, your hands may be tied as to how far you can veer off course. Writing your vows or adding to them is the most personal addition you can make to your day. Remember, you should be focusing on your relationship first and foremost - that's what the day is really all about - a fact that many a bride gets off-track from. It doesn't get more individual than that. Once the reception starts, sorry, but minus the first dance and cake cutting, it's all about the guests.
Giving your entertainer a rigid and unbending song list or one that is excessively laden with off-beat or eclectic music, is a sure fire way to ruin the reception, it's that simple. Throw in silly games and one too many interruptions to dancing and you'll lose the crowd every time. Only you can decide in the end, we can only suggest. Oh, and one last piece of advise in this month's article - throw your bridal magazines in the trash. They're great for pictures of wedding gowns and ideas for china and silverware, but beyond that, they've ruined more weddings with their ridiculous, rehashed advise, than I can count - but that's shaping up to be next months topic!
Happy planning and enjoy the process.
posted by Ron A. Lamoreux, Jr. | 6:40 AM
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