Is Your Wedding Being Hi-Jacked?
Is your wedding being hi-jacked?
By whom, you ask? Well, it could be by a number of people, but we are going to start by looking at your friends and family first.
As hard as it may be to believe, the very ones you hold near and dear to you may turn out to be the enemy. We say that with the greatest respect and humor by the way, because we don't mean it to be cruel. It's just a wedding fact.
Throughout the planning process you will find yourself receiving unsolicited advice on all things "wedding". From dresses to favors, DJs to churches and reception sites to color schemes. It will come from friends, family, coworkers and complete strangers. All they need to know is that you're getting married and the fun begins. And the worst part is, you may have brought it all on yourself.
The key to cutting down on "wedding hi-jacking" is to play your cards "close to the vest" . Don't advertise your intentions on every facet of your day and keep the big decisions between you and your partner. Avoid taking anyone shopping with you until you've narrowed down your options to just a few - the best of the best. This applies equally across the board to all aspects of the day including your wedding vendors. There is simply no need to involve everyone you know in all of your decisions unless you want a barrage of opinions and additional stress.
This does not mean that you should exclude important people from the biggest day of your life. What it means is that if you want to retain control, creative or otherwise, you'd better lay the groundwork by limiting what options those you bring into the process have. For instance, if you take your mom shopping for a gown on the very first day you shop, she'll have input on every single dress you try on. Instead, shop by yourself initially, narrow it down to a few choices and have the dress shop prepare to have those dresses available for the two of you the next time you come in. Now she gets to help you pick from the three, four or five that you like, instead of the thirty that she might! And if your're dead-set against wearing her gown, let her know up-front, don't put it off and try to "break it to her gently"later, this way you can get on with picking the gown you want.
The same goes for your bridesmaids. Giving them free reign to help choose gowns, shoes and accessories on the first outing is simply asking for a headache. Narrow down your choices to a few and let them try and work out a decision from there. To be fair, keep in mind that not everyone fits into or looks good in the same color or cut of gown or shoe and when you're asking someone to shell out hard earned cash for your day, you can bet they may be a little less than eager to do so on a purchase that they do not agree with or that simply does not fit or flatter!
Our advice to our couples here is to tell your attendants to pick a gown that they like and try to match the colors of your day. They do not have to be identicle and this way they may actually get to wear the dress again someday in the future. This, of course, is not popular with everyone as tradition has dictated for so long that all bridesmaids wear the same thing - but this tradition is changing.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are going to be accepting money from family to help pay for your day, you are also going to have to accept some potentially unwanted or unwelcome input, and this is where it can get nasty. We have seen parents take complete control over the days' events - from what DJ gets hired to how the bride wears her hair. This is something that only you can nip in the bud and it's going to depend on how strong you are, your relationship with your mom, dad or both and how important it is to you that you get your way. Is it worth the hurt feelings and potential heartache? Only you can answer that after you've assessed the situation.
Lastly, don't let your wedding vendors push you into or talk you out of something, unless they can prove to you why they feel that way, whether it's the time leading up to your wedding day or the day of. For example, we have seen photographers who monopolize a couple's time so much the day of their wedding, that they did not get to enjoy a moment of their reception, as well as DJs, reception hall managers, videographers and pastors who have become pushy and overbearing and simply ruined the mood of the event by forgetting the reason they're there in the first place. It's all about the bride, by the way.
There are many ways and many levels of what I call "wedding hi-jacking", some are subtle, others are outright hairpullers. To avoid the majority of it, start your planning early, don't obsess or discuss too much with friends, family or co-workers too early and do as much legwork and shopping as you can by yourself or with your partner, this way you've given those you'd like to include in your day a way to feel as though they made a contribution and yet you've still retained creative control and piece of mind.
Remember, it's your wedding, enjoy it!
By whom, you ask? Well, it could be by a number of people, but we are going to start by looking at your friends and family first.
As hard as it may be to believe, the very ones you hold near and dear to you may turn out to be the enemy. We say that with the greatest respect and humor by the way, because we don't mean it to be cruel. It's just a wedding fact.
Throughout the planning process you will find yourself receiving unsolicited advice on all things "wedding". From dresses to favors, DJs to churches and reception sites to color schemes. It will come from friends, family, coworkers and complete strangers. All they need to know is that you're getting married and the fun begins. And the worst part is, you may have brought it all on yourself.
The key to cutting down on "wedding hi-jacking" is to play your cards "close to the vest" . Don't advertise your intentions on every facet of your day and keep the big decisions between you and your partner. Avoid taking anyone shopping with you until you've narrowed down your options to just a few - the best of the best. This applies equally across the board to all aspects of the day including your wedding vendors. There is simply no need to involve everyone you know in all of your decisions unless you want a barrage of opinions and additional stress.
This does not mean that you should exclude important people from the biggest day of your life. What it means is that if you want to retain control, creative or otherwise, you'd better lay the groundwork by limiting what options those you bring into the process have. For instance, if you take your mom shopping for a gown on the very first day you shop, she'll have input on every single dress you try on. Instead, shop by yourself initially, narrow it down to a few choices and have the dress shop prepare to have those dresses available for the two of you the next time you come in. Now she gets to help you pick from the three, four or five that you like, instead of the thirty that she might! And if your're dead-set against wearing her gown, let her know up-front, don't put it off and try to "break it to her gently"later, this way you can get on with picking the gown you want.
The same goes for your bridesmaids. Giving them free reign to help choose gowns, shoes and accessories on the first outing is simply asking for a headache. Narrow down your choices to a few and let them try and work out a decision from there. To be fair, keep in mind that not everyone fits into or looks good in the same color or cut of gown or shoe and when you're asking someone to shell out hard earned cash for your day, you can bet they may be a little less than eager to do so on a purchase that they do not agree with or that simply does not fit or flatter!
Our advice to our couples here is to tell your attendants to pick a gown that they like and try to match the colors of your day. They do not have to be identicle and this way they may actually get to wear the dress again someday in the future. This, of course, is not popular with everyone as tradition has dictated for so long that all bridesmaids wear the same thing - but this tradition is changing.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are going to be accepting money from family to help pay for your day, you are also going to have to accept some potentially unwanted or unwelcome input, and this is where it can get nasty. We have seen parents take complete control over the days' events - from what DJ gets hired to how the bride wears her hair. This is something that only you can nip in the bud and it's going to depend on how strong you are, your relationship with your mom, dad or both and how important it is to you that you get your way. Is it worth the hurt feelings and potential heartache? Only you can answer that after you've assessed the situation.
Lastly, don't let your wedding vendors push you into or talk you out of something, unless they can prove to you why they feel that way, whether it's the time leading up to your wedding day or the day of. For example, we have seen photographers who monopolize a couple's time so much the day of their wedding, that they did not get to enjoy a moment of their reception, as well as DJs, reception hall managers, videographers and pastors who have become pushy and overbearing and simply ruined the mood of the event by forgetting the reason they're there in the first place. It's all about the bride, by the way.
There are many ways and many levels of what I call "wedding hi-jacking", some are subtle, others are outright hairpullers. To avoid the majority of it, start your planning early, don't obsess or discuss too much with friends, family or co-workers too early and do as much legwork and shopping as you can by yourself or with your partner, this way you've given those you'd like to include in your day a way to feel as though they made a contribution and yet you've still retained creative control and piece of mind.
Remember, it's your wedding, enjoy it!
posted by Ron A. Lamoreux, Jr. | 9:10 PM
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